Prego With Chunks

Nash #6 is on it's way! (Look at that nose! Definitely a Nash haha!)

Jaws seem to drop at the mention of SIX kids and when I hear congratulations I know that they are really saying "Congratu-CRAZY" but honestly it doesn't seem like a lot to me. It kind of bums me out to think of this stage of my life being over. I have mastered the pregnancy/labor/ child birth/ newborn/nursing thing and the thought of all of that ending saddens me. Who knows, maybe I will be one of those ladies in their forties still poppin out babies. Don't get me wrong, my baby is four and the whole no diapers, being able to communicate, picking up and just leaving, independence thing was great! I knew that freedom and it was fabulous but it will always be there. The ability to create life, to feel it grow and develop inside of you, the exhilaration and accomplishment of child birth, and nursing a tiny infant is almost addictive. I crave it! I relish in it! Yet, it is so short lived and fleeting. You blink and they are grown.

We found out we were expecting on the first of April. We were living in the Vegas Motel and the kids and I were laying on the bed watching Princess Diaries and I was so moved by it...moved to tears...by the Princess Diaries (pretty pathetic!), that I knew I had to be pregnant. Moving three states away and dealing with an old house that could have been on an episode of Pet Hoarders, in extreme humid conditions all summer was not my ideal pregnancies conditions but I have never been the best at planning things, just making due. It has been an easy peasy pregnancy! I didn't even get in to see a doctor until I was about 25 weeks along. I do feel the aches and pains a bit more with this pregnancy. I don't know if it because I am chubby and all of the extra weight makes it more uncomfy or if it is my aging body. I am not getting any younger, that's for sure! All of the kids are super excited for another baby, unless you ask Ash. She just knows she will have to baby sit it ALL the time! Poor picked on oldest Ashley. You got to know her to find it funny but it cracks me up! We told them and our parents on Mother's Day. We sent a video of the kids reading a little poem with them all shouting in unison at the end "There's a baby on its way!"

We are due at the end of November and we are having either a boy or a girl. You will find out when we do. It is so exciting that way, I think. I am glad we just got new tires on the Excursion because I don't want the crazy North Dakota winter to deter us from getting to the hospital. Mike says that that I can just do my birthin' out in the barn if the weather gets too bad. I am a little concerned about the fact that we live about 45 minutes away from the nearest hospital and who will watch the kids if I go to the hospital in the middle of the night. This rural living has its draw backs. As for names, Mike and I are not good at compromising and he comes up with old people names like Virginia, Josephine, and Johnny. So do me a favor and give me your suggestions so I have an arsenal of options to veto his names with!

The Most Precious Things In Life

That is my grandpa. He is a musician, a writer, a master gardener, a giver, a poet, a yodeler, a story teller, a scriptorian, a man of God. He wrote that little song and pulled me aside to sing it to me when we were in Vernal and it melted my heart!

I think one of the most difficult things about moving halfway across the country is not being near grandparents and great grandparents, especially when age weakens their minds and cripples their bodies. It breaks my heart to think that my kids are missing out on precious, memories, wisdom, and limited time with their great grandparents and grandparents. I feel like I am ripping them off! I feel ripped off too! Even if my grandparents live until they are in their nineties, that means I only have fifteen years or so left with them. That is not enough time! There is so much wisdom and history that they haven't shared with me yet! I still haven't learned how to knit my Grandma Powell's slippers or mastered her salsa recipe. I haven't learned how to make my Grandma DeeLo's macaroni salad or learned about her grandparents and who are in all of those old family photos, and I haven't received one of my Grandpa Powell's scripture study journals or taken harmonica lessons from him yet! Someday all of the stories, recollections, dates about their parents, grandparents, wars, the great depression, their life lessons, will pass away with them and it will be my responsibility to pass on what I can remember of them. I am not ready for that mantel to be placed on my shoulders. Life is so fleeting and those really important things become all too precious when we realize how limited our time is with those we love most. I feel blessed that I still have four grandparents living, that I can learn from and since I don't have the luxury of living near them I will make the most of phone calls, letters, photos, and visits so that I will have many more lasting and cherished memories of them until we can resume our special relationships in the eternities.

Greeting From North Dakota

I am taking a little break from unpacking (which has been a very daunting task) to update my poor neglected blog. I have been without a working computer and sufficient internet service since April and in a transitional haze that has prevented me from my little hobby of blogging. We recently moved to No Dak (North Dakota) for Michael's job. He was given a promotion and a raise that made it hard to refuse the move. He has been up here since December and the separation was killing us. A family from Idaho asked if they could rent our house in Rifle and we knew that was our chance to be together sooner than we planned. Mike found a house with 53 acres up in a tiny little town of Glenburn just 20 miles North of Minot North Dakota and about 50 mile from the Canadian border.

We had to stay in a old motel for a month before we could get into our house. I was homesick for Colorado, for my best friends, for the mountains. I was angry that all the money we had saved that was going to go to remodeling the kitchen was being drained into a lousy motel and lousy food while "they" wouldn't move out of MY house. I was not in a pleasant state of mind! So leave it to life to be complicated, unpredictable and uncontrollable and leave it to Heavenly Father to find a way to get me out of that poor picked on me state of mind! The red tape and negotiations were ridiculous and things just got worse after we signed for the house. I swear I stepped into an episode of Pet Hoarders! It has been an awful, stinky, filthy mess! The sellers left Dumpster loads of junk in the house and the house smelled so foul because of dog urine! It still does but I am working on that. I have been the worst Negative Nancy about the whole thing and have shed many tears. However bad my situation is though, I have been reminded that I am not pick on. I know so many people that have harder trials to face. I know friends whose child is going through chemo, I know women who are forced to raise their children alone, friends whose health has failed them. I read of the devastation of tornadoes across this country. I have no reason to complain and I feel beyond blessed that this is the extent of my trials and embarrassed and ashamed to know that I have not faced my wimpy little trial with the faith of those whose trials are far worse than mine. I will take this trial gladly and learn all I can from it! I still have bad days, trying days but I snap out of it real quick. So far it has been quite the adventure and I know it is just the beginning. It can only get better, right?!

Goals and a Triathlon and a Feature, Oh My!

I am a HUGE fan of the Trainer Momma! I love her story, her attitude, her recipes, and her killer workouts! When I did a sprint triathlon last summer, she was my main source of information on how to prepare. She is quite the motivator! If you haven't heard of her, it is so worth your time to check out her website, especially since I am being featured!!! How cool is that?! I sent her an email after my tri just to thank her for the tips and inspiration and I got an email back a few weeks ago asking if she could feature my story. I was a little apprehensive about sharing my story just because I struggle with my weight and being healthy and I not even close to being a success story and it is just so embarrassing to put that weakness, that flaw out there for the world to see but I feel like the Trainer Momma was inspired because through writing about and remembering my experience I have learned a lot about myself. It has rekindled a fire to keep trying. I do want women like me, women who struggle with their weight, to know that we don't have to make excuses, that life and health is out there for us to enjoy and if we lose weight along the way, that is great, but the reward of getting out there and doing things that are scary, new, and uncomfortable, are ultimately so fun, empowering and so worth it. Her spotlight is edited so I thought I would share the unedited version here.


SET YOUR GOAL:

What was your goal? At 200lbs, I am not one to make goals (maybe that is one of the reasons why I weigh 200 lbs.), but I have always wanted to do a triathlon and often regretted not doing it when I was younger and more athletic. I had read about the sprint tri that you participated in and it intrigued and inspired me. I had never heard of a sprint tri before. I thought to myself, “I can do that.” “That is a great place to start.” When I signed up for the tri, my only goal was to finish. I didn’t even care if I came in dead last, I just wanted to say “I did it!”


Why did you set this goal? I seem to always say, “Someday.” Someday I will run a 5k, someday I’ll do a tri, someday I’ll be on time, someday I will be healthy, fit and trim. One day I was reading my friend’s blog. She is very athletic and plays la crosse. She wrote about watching the Ogden City Marathon and she said that dreaded word “someday”. It struck me that if someone as healthy as she is, who could easily train for a race, was saying “someday” because she didn’t think she was capable, had the strength to do it, or prepared enough, that I didn’t have any “someday’s” left. I am thirty two years old and have already wasted a decade saying “someday”. I really want to be healthy and athletic and I don’t want to get there and still miss out on things because it seems scary or too difficult. I realized that if a healthy, thin woman has doubt in her ability, even though it is within her means to accomplish something like a marathon, that my weight really wasn’t the issue. It was just the fear of doing something that I wasn’t sure I could succeed at and I was not going to wait until I was thin to find that out. My time was now or I would end up regretting missed opportunities and living a life of “somedays”.


Describe the specific plan you set up to help you reach your goal: I had already been swimming an hour each day all summer and wogging (walk/jogging) on the treadmill a few times a week. All I had to do was add the biking into my routine and take my wogging outside (running outside when you are used to running on a treadmill is a huge adjustment.). I had never combined the workouts and I knew I needed to before the race. Getting online and registering for the race is a huge motivation. It made it real. I had money invested and time invested. There was no backing out. Knowing the specifics of the race made it easier to train too. I had the 400 meters down so I started practice breathing techniques you suggested on your blog and did my best to go to the lake once a week since I would be swimming in a lake in my race. I biked to the swimming pool, swam, and then I would bike a 15km route that I mapped out before I set out. Each day I added more miles to my bike rides, and ran more that I walked. I also looked at the finishing times of the past year’s race and set a goal of beating the last person’s time, which was two hours seven minutes and 39 seconds. Just to be safe I gave myself a three hour time limit to finish the race, an hour for each event.


What sacrifices did you have to make to get there? I sacrificed hours I could have spent sleeping in, watching tv, and playing on the computer, which, turns out, are just huge wastes of time. My house wasn’t nearly as clean as it should have been. You would be amazed how many excuses you can come up with and so many things you should be doing when you make the choice to exercise. You have to put it aside until you get that work out in. The list of stuff you should be doing is always there when you are done. It was hard to leave my kids to go and work out. There were days that I think that my husband sacrificed more than I did to help me prepare by watching kids and cleaning the house. It definitely was a group effort. It was also a sacrifice to pay money for a race that I wasn’t sure I could even do. I had no idea that people actually paid money so that could run a race!

I sacrificed the comfort and laziness that I had grown accustomed to. It is so easy and safe not to push myself or commit to things that seem uncomfortable and I struggle to give that lifestyle up but always feel tons better about myself when I do sacrifice the time that it takes to be active and I am learning how to make those sacrifices every day, unfortunately, I am a slow learner.


REACH YOUR GOALS:

How long did it take you to reach your goal? I didn’t have too much time to train. I heard about a sprint tri in my area about a month before the actual event. I had to take advantage of every day I had. I had something to prove to myself and didn’t want to waste the money I spent to register just to quit and die in the middle of the race. I knew going into this, that four weeks or so wasn’t enough time to for me to be in tip top shape but I had to start somewhere.


What were the challenges? The biggest challenge was all of the self doubt that snuck into my head as I was training. When biking up hills or running started to become uncomfortable, I had a mantra on repeat inside my mind that I was worth it, that I was strong, that I can do this. Another challenge was doing something that I had never done before and doing all by myself. My race was two hours away in Avon, CO (the fittest state in the nation) and had check in the night before so I left my husband to watch the kids overnight and headed off alone. That is a huge deal for a mom who can’t even go to the bathroom without someone thinking they need to assist. I also had a lot of anxiety about being a woman of size in a race that is typically run by fit, athletic people. A friend of mine who competed in the same triathlon you did, told me that people of all shapes and sizes competed in these things but when I pulled up to my race all I kept thinking was, “I just walked into a Trail Runner magazine. I’m the only one with any shape here.” I felt so out of place. I was even bigger than the majority of the men. You should have seen the stares I got and so many people came up and kept asking, “What would make you want to do something like this?” and “You are so brave!” I had to disarm a lot of dirty looks with smiles and “good luck on your race.” Another challenge was not having the best equipment. I didn’t have a wet suit, and I had a cheap mountain bike but it sufficed. I remember the biggest hurdle I faced was during the bike portion of the race (15km). I had pushed my body beyond what I thought it was capable of doing and I was physically and mentally exhausted, the elevation was making difficult to breathe, and I was just mad that I had let myself get so bad. My legs were jello and I was watching everyone pass me on the running part of the race while I was still struggling to finish the bike route. Through tears and sobs I busted out that mantra, I almost had to yell it so that I wouldn’t give up, “You are STRONG!” “You CAN do this!”


What were the rewards? The night before my race, I stayed with a family that belongs to the same church I do. I did not know this family, yet they opened their home to me. The morning of my race, I was venting about my fears about the race to the wife and she shared with me that they had just found out that week that her husband was diagnosed with cancer in the throat and it had spread. They didn’t know how long he had or what actions they were going to take but that they knew they were in for the fight of their lives. The thought came to me in that moment, that I had absolutely nothing to complain about. It didn’t matter that I was fat, it didn’t matter that I was nervous, my body was whole and healthy and that my petty little race was nothing compared to the trial that that family was facing. My whole perspective changed and I was able to see that day for what it was, a blessing to be able to do what my body was made to do. All the anxiety and self doubt I had left me and I was just happy to be alive and so blessed.

There is an inspiring and uplifting sense of comradery and support that buoyed me up throughout the race. During that difficult bike portion there was this car load of volunteers that would drive a few hundred yards and get out and cheer me on, get back in their car drive a little further and then get out and cheer again. I knew I was the last one out there and to know that volunteers and policemen waited out there in the summer heat for me and then clapped for me and cheered me on was such a lift to my spirits. On my last leg of the bike route, fellow racers were high fiving me and calling out words of encouragement. By the time I started the 5k run almost everyone else had finished the race. I had mentioned to one of the volunteers that I was bringing up the rear and he said “You are still better than 70% of Americans. You are running a triathlon!” I never thought of it that way. As I ran to the finish line, I was moved to tears by all of the people that remained to bring the last runners of the race in. I was emotional to think that, even though I made it second to last place that, I MADE IT and that there were new friends waiting for me at the end of that race to encourage me on and cheer for my accomplishment. They knew exactly what I had accomplished and were so eager to share in the pride of that accomplishment. . In that moment, I was on top of the world. I was a TRIATHLETE and I was ready to do it again!

My final race time was two hours and seven minutes and twenty seven seconds. I had set the goal to finish in less than three hours and I did it! I even beat last year’s last place runner by eleven seconds! I came away from that experience with a new view of myself. I am capable of achieving anything! I just have to feel the fear and do it anyway. Being a woman of size is not an excuse to not get out and do things. There is no weight limit in races, or life. The only thing that limits me is me and I can get past those limiting beliefs about myself. I learned that anything worth doing is worth doing badly at first. I didn’t need to put it off until I was “in shape” or “when I lose x amount of weight.” I still did it and that is all that counts. The high and exhilaration that I felt after finishing that race was worth all of the moments of self doubt I experienced along the way. I realized that I am a strong woman, who can set out to accomplish a goal and complete it.


SURPASS YOUR GOALS:

Now that you've met your goal, what's next?

I haven’t quite figured this part out yet but when I do I’ll be unstoppable. I ran that triathlon and it became something I did and it was over and I didn’t have anything to work towards. Too quickly I forgot the feelings of that day. Most days I struggle with making a goal to get in a daily workout or to eat healthily but I am not going to give up. My end goal is to never give up. I am ready to run an Olympic triathlon, I am ready for the next half marathon. I just have to keep getting out there and do things that ultimately make me a better person. It doesn’t matter what I weigh, if I am prepared enough, what people might think of me, and I don’t even need to be good at it, I just need constant reminders that I AM capable, I AM strong, I CAN do it and I have to do it now. I have to do something each and every day in order to have a life that is filled with accomplishments large and small instead of “Someday”.

It's not hard to spot me! No wonder people gawked!
People don't believe me when I tell them that I was bigger than every one there but this is proof.


I don't realize how big I am until I see myself in photos. This picture reminds me of a time I went to a dance recital and there was a chubby girl shaking it and bouncing all over the place and loving every minute of it and my first thought was, "Oh she shouldn't be up there. She shouldn't be dancing," But then I had to correct myself and think, "You bet she should be up there! She shouldn't have to be excluded from something she loves just because she is heavy."

I won't be excluded either.

There was some wonderful people who participated in that race. This is Julie from Grand Junction. We met the day before the race and hit it off. Us Western Slopers had to stick together in a sea of gorgeous people. The lady in the background cracks me up. That is what pretty much every woman looked like at that race. Boy, did I stick out like a sore thumb!

I have decided that it really isn't about the end goal. People accomplish goals and then stop because they don't have the next goal to accomplish. What is more important is the things you do everyday to accomplish that goal that is important.